Reasons Why We Can’t Understand People

Have you ever been in a situation where a person whom you thought to be a jerk actually turned out to be a genius and whom you thought smart was actually nothing but a talking wizard? The situation can go far more like: kind turns into heartless, stoneheart was actually the kindest one, negative minded was the most motivating, caring one turned out to be abusive, and so on. We all have experienced such a feeling where our judgements(some have categories) about people are wrong. People who are ‘interested in others more than themselves’ or who believe in ‘first sight love’ are more likely to have such problem. And I bet once in a lifetime you’ve hated yourself only because your expectation over another person was faulty.

So why this happens? Why can’t we get the other person right?

The answer is as follows. (You might not have expected some of them.)

#1.Complex Human Nature

Obviously, human being is the most complex organism both physically and mentally. What we have inside our cranium is the most complex thing human has ever known. Thinking pattern varies from person to person. Our behaviour is affected by circumstances and thoughts and decisions are made under personal emotions. Thus, when we are dealing with a person, we are dealing with a complicated combination of personality, thinking patterns, emotions, feelings, unique belief system and intention of that person. It simply makes a person difficult to understand.

#2.We Live In Our Own Reality

Joseph grew up in an orphanage and joined army after graduation. Tom grew up with his parents and is CEO of his father’s company. If these two characters meet each other, they would see each other with their own realities. It doesn’t mean that Joseph would think Tom an orphan or Tom would see Joseph as CEO of another company. It means even if they become close friends (which is unlikely), they won’t get each other right because they hold entirely different view towards the same world.

Same thing applies to us as we are conditioned differently and our stories are different. We see people based on our own realities. Getting each other right becomes hard and judging becomes complete nonsense.

#3. We Project Our Own Characteristics

Do you expect others to treat you with value? Do you want others to acknowledge your goodwill and see you with respect? If yes, it doesn’t necessarily mean that you are selfish, it also means that you treat others with value, acknowledge other’s goodwill and see others with respect. What I mean here is that if you are a good person, you expect others to be good. We expect others to behave the same way we behave towards them.

A good person expects good from others and an evil or unreliable person would never trust anyone no matter what s/he shows from outside. The colour of world becomes the colour of glasses we are wearing, making us hard to distinguish the true colour of a person.

#4.Actual Versus Ideal

Have you ever noticed a friend(or someone you know), who try to act energetic and confident in front of new people but actually a shy and pathetic in reality? It is due to the fact that we want to show the ideal part of our personality when we introduce to new people. There is always a contradiction going inside our mind – who we want to become and what we actually are. Because of this people tend to cover their actual self with ideal one. It might take a long time to discover that the person is not what we believed.

#5.Change In Mindset And Mood

This is the most common reason why we get confused about a particular person. For instance, Sam hangs out with his friends every evening. He spends time, money and does fun stuffs. Few days before he met his cousin who was outstanding in studies and everyone praised him. Now suddenly he separates himself with his best of friends and stays at home studying. Surely his friends will go nuts thinking about his behavior and attitude towards them.

Moods and mindsets create confusing behavior. It is even more effective when dealing with moody people. Their random swings in moods put us into great confusion(usually in anger) about them.

#6.Halo Effect

Halo effect is a type of cognitive bias. It is the tendency for an impression created in one area to influence opinion in another area. For example, a well dressed and groomed man is always seen as rational and confident, a beautiful lady is always seen as kind and polite, a tattooed youth with dreadlock seems to be an addict. Although our conscience know that they might not be true, our mind makes its own evaluation. This usually happens when we see a person for the first time. It surprises us when we find the person completely different than what we’ve thought.

Those are the general reasons why we cannot truly understand the other person. It takes really long time to know the inner core of a person. Futhermore, multifaceted nature of people makes it even more difficult to recognize their true colour. Some are really good at lying and showing fake self. This is the reason why many friendship end in hatred and true love end in chaotic mess.

However, looking at the bright side, difficulty in getting the other person right initially also turns dislike into like and hatred into love later. It is true that we can understand other people better if we try to know our true self first. When we learn to see circumstances standing on other’s shoes (being in their place), we are really in the course of knowing them.

Note: Here is a post related to spiritual and physical world. You can check it out if you want to know which makes more sense - spiritual life or physical one.